Something happened fairly recently which really humbled me. It was a real reminder. It shook me up but it was exactly what I needed at that very moment in time. I needed that reminder. Humility. God reminded me the importance of humility.
It was something that shook my soul not just my emotions. In a weird way it kind of broke my heart a little because it showed that we really don’t know what someone is going through behind closed doors. And then it really broke my heart to think that someone literally so close to me (a neighbour) was going through ongoing hardship and I was completely unaware. It broke me because had I known I would have tried my best to help. It broke me because I know what it feels like to silently endure. It broke me because I hate seeing anyone suffering. It broke me because I felt I failed as Muslim, as a woman but more importantly as a fellow human. Feelings of guilt and disappointment flooded me. Why wasn’t I a better person? Why wasn’t I a better neighbour? Why didn’t I communicate more? Why was I so reserved? But I guess some things are unavoidable – they have to happen.
For a second it took my attention away from trivial things and wordly matters. Something that I REALLY needed at the time.
It made me question my character. I sat there in silence and wept. Tears rolled down my cheeks uncontrollably and it was almost as though I was being cleansed through the sadness that I was feeling for the situation. As much as it was breaking me to pieces it was strangely beautiful. I felt some type of way. It was almost supernatural. The saying “I was in my own bubble” couldn’t have been more accurate. I had subconsciously blocked out everything around me and sat there in true contemplation and wow did I need it. That was the missing piece to my puzzle. It was Ramadan at the time and while I was loving everything about the holy month, I couldn’t help but feel a little void in my heart. It was this very day that I felt the inner peace that I had been longing for for a while now.
I came out feeling cleansed, refreshed and strangely slightly more whole. I finally felt that re-connection with God again. It was almost as if He was talking to me through this situation. It was a subtle reminder to reassure me that He was still there, He was always there.
So what I really wanted to remind myself and others is that sometimes we are taught through means of opposites. Sometimes we have to break in order to be whole again. It’s just how this world is designed.