So I’ve been going round in circles trying to decide on what to write as my first blog piece. I was trying to come up with all these fancy ideas about various topics such as food, fashion, beauty, literature but something just didn’t feel right. Every time I thought I was ready to start writing, I just kind of went flat – like completely flat. Something just felt a bit out of place and I would completely zone out. This went on for about a week until I finally decided what it was that I really wanted to write about.
I think deep down I knew what I wanted to write about but I just didn’t have the courage to – something kept holding me back. But I guess that’s the thing about true honesty – it exposes a sense of vulnerability and I didn’t want to seem vulnerable. I mean who does? Especially with a society like ours because who really wants to be perceived as weak? Certainly, not me. Somewhere along the line we’ve substituted the term vulnerability for weakness and that becomes our barrier. We are so caught up in trying to portray perfection, in trying to show the world how strong we are, how great we are, that sometimes we forget to live, to feel, to experience – all things that involve a sense of vulnerability. We crave honesty but ironically we are so afraid to open up. We are so afraid to get judged by society that we put up a front and begin to believe it. We have become masters at concealing our emotions. So, we almost live behind a façade determined to show the world that everything is perfect. That nothing is wrong, nothing is out of place, everything is going smoothly and accordingly. But somewhere along the line we’ve forgotten that we’re human, we’re allowed to feel things, we’re allowed to hurt, we’re allowed to be confused or even a little lost. We’re allowed to get it wrong. It’s totally and absolutely normal.
And that’s exactly what I decided to write about: feelings, emotions and life. I wasn’t too worried about making this piece too polished because I was more concerned about making it real and that meant being raw. I wanted to say it how it was. I wanted this to come straight from the heart because when you truly speak from the heart, it connects – and that’s exactly what I wanted. I wanted my first piece to be connecting. Not appealing or engaging or enticing, I mean all those things are brilliant but what I really wanted is to create is a bond and so I decided what better way to do that than being unapologetically and authentically myself (just as my bio states!).
So, there’s no denying that life only gets tougher the older we get, but in saying that, I think what really hits us is reality. The older we get, we are forced to face reality and that’s the tough bit. We begin to see things differently, we are introduced to new ideas and concepts, and most importantly we are forced to take on new responsibilities. All of this comes as a shock to us and we find ourselves wanting to turn back time. To be a child again, young and carefree. Suddenly we begin to question ourselves as to why we were so desperate to grow up… I mean we didn’t sign up to this?! But of course, like all matters it’s not just doom and gloom. Growing up is also a very unique and wonderful experience because ultimately it shapes us into who we are. We’re constantly discovering new things, new experiences and new versions of ourselves and honestly, it’s a phenomenal experience when you think about it.
However, at some stage in our lives we reach a point where things just kind of take a standstill. In particular, I think many new graduates (like myself) face this problem. The last few weeks of University are absolutely and utterly hectic. Then comes the excitement and anticipation of the graduation ceremony and it is definitely a day to remember. But soon a period of uncertainty follows where we’re just trying to figure out what it is that we want to do next. I mean of course there’s people out there who have this all figured out before graduating or know exactly what their next steps are, but the truth is, many of us actually don’t. For many people, this is the “I just don’t know” period. And this can be a really frustrating time and to top it off, we hear the endless “successful” graduate stories who have it all figured out, who’ve managed to secure a good graduate job and are loving life. You never really hear the stories about the new graduates who just aren’t sure what they want to do or are still trying to identify their paths because that’s just not ideal right? I mean we’re in our early 20’s we should know what we want to do. We should have a plan. We should know which direction we’re heading in. We’re not “kids” anymore. But that’s just it isn’t it. The 20’s are an awkward phase because we are bombarded by the pressures of society to have reached certain goals within that time frame. We become fixated on this idea and slowly begin to lose ourselves. We get lost in our dark thoughts. We feel low. We become our own worst enemy, certain that we are destined for failure. But that shouldn’t be the case because our life journey isn’t the same as everybody else’s and too often it’s so easy to forget that. We don’t need to compare our life to anyone else because we are uniquely us for a reason. Our journey is ours for a reason. Our successes and struggles are ours for a reason. It’s all a part of our journey, our story. Not his or hers or theirs, but ours. We just need to have some faith and patience because as long as we’re trying, we’re on the right path.
To end with one of my quotes ‘It’s ok not to be ok. We hurt and we heal, we are designed that way.’ It’s absolutely fine to not know what you want to do in life or where you’re heading. It’s ok to not have everything worked out. It’s ok to go through them “I just don’t know” periods and it’s ok to take a step back and just breathe. Sometimes we have to just trust life’s timing and let things fall into place.
We’ll all get there one day, I promise!